So long [bittersweet] summer...

This is the first blog entry I've posted that has nothing to do with religion, but I wanted to share it anyway. In light of one of the more eventful summers in recent history and its coming to a close, I felt compelled to reflect on these past 3 months. Breathing in the first scent of fall on the wind, I find myself looking back on summers past, trying to accept that the weather has changed...and so have I. I heard it once said that: "Love does not begin and end the way we think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up." For me, this summer was a lot like love is in that matter. A battle...a war...and a growing up. In one of the most emotional summers by far, I ended a year and two month long relationship that for nearly 10 months I thought would end in marriage. I rebounded from that relationship with a man I had known for years...a sensitive, intelligent and talented man....who ultimately had no idea what he wanted, and so I had to walk away. I got burned by someone who I had called a friend for 6 and a half years without even an explanation as to why she no longer wanted to be friends. These experiences left me filled with anxiety and self doubt. I spent much of the summer in alternating places of pain and numbness, questioning every action and decision I made. As as the summer continues to transition into fall, I find myself, too, in transition. I feel confident in my decision to end the relationship I thought would end in marriage, and I have no regrets about the relationship. I realized in retrospect that some things are born of necessity in any given moment, and we should embrace those things for what they can offer us in that time. Not everything is forever, and not everything needs to be. As for the rebound, I realized that ultimately, it was just that: a rebound. If anything, it taught me not to give away my heart so easily, and it taught me to be cautious with people who are reckless with the hearts of others, as he was reckless with mine. As for my friend, I've been trying to take this advice: "If you're worried about someone who dislikes you, first ask yourself whether they're an asshole. If you don't like them and they don't like you, that's not a problem, that's a mutual understanding." In the midst of my personal battles, I became aware of the loss of my own naivete. As much as I mourn the loss of the idea that most people are pure at heart, I have begun to embrace my newfound realism, as I look at the world as it really is and stop taking it so personally when people behave selfishly and cruelly. I still count myself lucky enough and honored to have some of the best people in my life I can ever imagine knowing. It took a lot of tears and conversations until 5 A.M. to get me there...but I'm well on my way. To everyone who helped me through this bittersweet summer: Thank you. I love you. I will never forget what you did for me. Xoxoxo.